It's incredible how far I've come since April. I took some time off, went overseas and now I'm back at uni, resuming my pretty much 'normal' existence. There's only a few more months until I become a vet. Bloody hell.
I almost feel as though that really shitty period of time didn't happen. I don't mean this in an ignorant way, I mean in a way that looking at myself now, I can't believe I let myself get to that dark place. It was shit. I'm working on seeing the good in everything, which is ridiculously cheesy but anyway, I've learnt so much from feeling the way I did. Allowing my mental health to deteriorate to that extent almost needed to happen for me to change my perspective. It's like when you first learn to drive and you have a minor accident but you become a better driver because of it. A life lesson, I suppose. However, I still want to erase that hollow, painful period of time from my memory and I'm sure my family, in particular want to too.
Thinking about this now, I can say with confidence that I don't think I'll let myself get there again. Letting myself go there would mean getting to a really shit place. Once there, the only realistic option, is to climb back up to the top and put the pieces back together. So what's the point in letting myself go down any slippery slope again? All I'm going to have to do is pick myself up and start recovery again.
Easier said than done, but why do we always let ourselves get there when we know what it feels like? The damn 'beast' is a strong force.
The horrible feeling of rock bottom is enough to make me strong enough to not go there again. Now, I have enough support, strength and tools to not go there again. Ever.