Maybe she’s born with it

It’s crazy the amount of times I’ve sat there thinking “what the hell is wrong with me” or “why me?” or “why do I have depression when nothing bad has ever happened to me?”. It’s so easy to dwell and internalise these questions. I let it consume me for years, eating away at what was already bare. It’s so easy to get wrapped up in and start feeling sorry for yourself because you’re depressed which just perpetuates the cycle of misery further.

Again with another epiphany I realised that these thoughts weren’t actually making me feel better, in fact they were doing the exact opposite. I’ve now come to see that everyone’s life balances out in some way or another. Whether it’s health, family, socially, appearance, or intellectually related. For example, you could be beautiful physically but be a horrible person, you could have a crap family life, but be very well liked or whatever. In my case, I have an incredible family life, I’m about to become a vet but I’m socially awkward and I have depression and anxiety. I have lots of good and some bad, and my depression is something that life has thrown at me. Just because. I just have to learn to be strong and cope with it. The way I see it is, if you feel bad stuff is always happening to you, it’s either bad karma or your lucky break is coming. 

Nothing bad has ever happened to me to cause my depression. My psychologist believes that something happened physiologically with my body through puberty and it probably started at age 8 or 9. In hindsight I think he’s absolutely right. I remember feeling miserable at age 12, but that’s probably because that’s the earliest I can remember back to. 

It just goes to show that we can’t always assume that something bad has happened to someone for them to be affected by depression or anxiety.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s