I love bed. I always have. It’s my sanctuary. At university I’ve always struggled getting out of bed and this is evident in the double, maybe triple digit number of lectures I’ve missed over the last four and half years. I mean, it’s a pretty stock standard thing for a young adult to do. However, it took me a while to realise, it’s more than just a sleep for me.
Yesterday was no exception, I missed three hours of class just because I couldn’t be bothered getting out of bed. I mean why would I? I had my dog snuggled up on one side of me and my cat on the other and it was freezing outside. I always feel guilty for missing class but truthfully, the elation I get from staying in bed outweighs the guilt. I guess that I’ve been pretty nonchalant, knowing that someway or another I’d make up for not being there and manage to pass my papers. Something I’ve only just realised today is that I may appear lazy, but in reality staying in bed, for me, is an escape.
For the past six weeks I’ve been sleeping in until lunchtime or later, because getting up has been too hard. I don’t have to try to fix myself when I’m in bed, or pretend to be someone I’m not. I just have to lie there in the warmth and comfort and doze. Getting out of bed means facing reality. It means another day of shit. It means actually have to make an effort that I really just don’t have the energy for.
The second I leave my bed, I cannot wait to return to it at the end of the day or for a mid-day siesta. It’s my single favourite thing in life. And that’s not great, is it? I need to find things that are worth getting out of bed for and create a more fulfilling day to day life. My psychologist and I have talked about this and he said I need to make a morning routine to make getting out of bed and entering the day an enjoyable experience. Usually, I get up at the last possible minute, barely making it out in time and usually forgetting multiple things, including brushing my teeth. So this is what I’m going to do. I’m sure I’ll have days where I won’t stick to this, but I’m going to try. I’m writing it down here so I’ll actually stick to it.
I’m going to get up, get into some walking gears and put my UGGs on, boil the jug and have a cup of tea. I’m going to take Floyd for a quick walk (± getting a cup of coffee). These are all things that I enjoy, which is incredibly important. Hopefully by walking Floyd I’ll wake up more too. Then when I get home I’ll have a shower then enjoy my breakfast and coffee, leaving time to get dressed and actually brush my teeth. This way I don’t enter the day in an absolute frenzy of disarray, which is how I usually roll. If for some reason I can’t walk Floyd again later, then at least I’ll know he’s had his morning walk and I won’t feel like such a shit pet parent.
Routine is incredibly important in combatting depression and anxiety. These illnesses feed on disarray and disorganisation making us feel even worse than we already feel from being flustered. I’m working on a bedtime routine too. It involves reading, meditation/ yoga and lots and lots of chamomile tea.